


Dum Spero Vivo  (While I hope, I live)

by Merced_0411



Series: Dum Spiro Spero (While I breathe, I hope) [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Hope, Kabby, Kabby Week, Love, Romance, They are so in love with each other, post s4e12, season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 22:46:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11171673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merced_0411/pseuds/Merced_0411
Summary: Takes place following the events in episode 4 x 12.    I wanted to explore Abby and Kane's first moments after Abby awakens in the bunker.





	Dum Spero Vivo  (While I hope, I live)

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize in advance for any editing errors and mistakes.
> 
>  
> 
> "...It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us..."
> 
> -Marianne Williamson-

Kane softly caressed Abby’s cheek, carefully tucking back a strand of hair that had fallen out of its place. She had a peaceful expression on her face, oblivious to the devastating events that had unfolded just an hour earlier. Jackson was tending to those who remained of his people....his people who would soon awaken to the horrific realization that their friends and loved were on the other side sentenced to death. Thankfully, Jackson had been working in the medical supply room several floors below when he and Jaha had gassed... _killed..._ their people. After the last were removed from the bunker, he had carried Abby to the office Jaha had designated for the leader of Skaikru. The question of leadership and who wanted the title would be another matter for another time. He had placed Abby on the room's only sofa, refusing to leave her side.

As Kane gazed at the woman he loved, he realized that his only fear was to live without Abby. Even as she lay unconscious, the light that radiated from her was overwhelming. It hurt for him to look at her, and yet he could not look away. He simply could not live in a world in which Abby did not exist... _that would be unbearable_. He would have willingly and gladly taken her place on the other side of the bunker doors. The world, now more than ever, desperately needed a light. The world needed Abby. She would see that. He would show her that she was worth saving. He leaned down and tenderly kissed her forehead _. What had he done?_  Once again, he had killed the very people he had sworn to protect. As he silently pleaded for her forgiveness, he realized that this time he may not be able to forgive himself. Perhaps it was too late for him to find his humanity again. He had crossed the line too many times. But Abby… Abby… would be the light for her people, for humanity. And even if she could not forgive him, could not love him, she would lead what was left of human race out of this darkness.

“Marcus…?” Abby coughed and tried to sit up, struggling with the weight of her body.

“Abby…” His voice was hoarse, barely a whisper. “No, no don’t try to get up.” Kane gently placed his hands on her shoulders.

“Marcus...what happened?” Abby searched his eyes, questioningly. He struggled to form the words that he had prepared to tell her when she awoke.

Her eyes darkened and he immediately knew that she knew. They had never needed words to communicate.

“What.have.you.done?” Each word was a punch to his gut. Abby stared at him in horror, at the realization of what had occurred.

“Abby...It was going to be a bloodbath. Everyone was going to be killed.” Kane fought to hold back tears. "I didn't have a choice....."

“We always have a choice!” Abby began to sob. He struggled with the instinctive urge to hold her in his arms. The look of betrayal in Abby's eyes pierced his heart. He had seen that same look before. When he had ordered Jake's execution. When he had ordered her shock lash punishment. Of course he had a choice. They always had a choice. How would he possibly be able to atone for all of his sins when _he_ was the cause for her suffering? He felt his heart shatter, as he lowered his head in shame. 

“Forgive me, Abby…”

_Silence._

“Clarke..?” Abby whispered.

Kane shook his head slowly. “Raven radioed a little while ago. They aren’t able to make it back in time. They are safe in Becca’s lab. They will be going to Space. Raven, Bellamy, Murphy, Emori, Monty, Harper, Echo, and Clarke.”

“Space?” Abby’s eyes widened, her face contorted with grief and torment. “I need to talk to Clarke. _Now_.” Again, Abby attempted to sit up. Muscle memory kicked in and Kane reflexively placed his hand on her back. She immediately recoiled under his touch and pushed him away.

“Abby...please. You need to rest.” It took all of his strength not to reach out. “Raven is preparing for their departure. She promised she would radio in an hour. She needs to talk to you about the cure… for your condition...she says it will work. And then you can talk to Clarke.”

Abby nodded, slowly. After a moment, she looked up at him again. If only looks could kill. “Marcus… I told you that I wanted… that I needed... to be on the other side when those doors closed. You….” she paused and took in a sharp breath. Her tone cold and accusatory. “You took away my ability to choose. _Just like Allie_.” The weight and impact of her words threatened to crush him. His throat tightened, restricting the flow of air to his lungs.

“Please…” He could feel tears reforming in his eyes. “Please, Abby, please don’t say that. We need you here. Clarke will need her mother when she returns. Jackson will need your help taking care of everyone while we are in here. Your people need you… to guide them out of the darkness. And I…I…”

“And you.. what...?” Abby stared into his eyes, as if she were searching for something buried deep within his soul.

Why wouldn’t his lips pronounce the words he longed to say?  He needed her in the same way that he needed the air to breathe. Her face was now dangerously close to his. She did not flinch or back away. He closed his eyes. In his mind he saw his mother, on the ark, so carefully and lovingly watering that tree. _Hope._ The tree had been a symbol of hope to those on the ark. Hope of survival and life. Against all odds. Just as the tree had been a symbol of Hope on the Ark, Abby represented hope here on Earth.

“Abby, I love you.” He felt the faint brush of her lips against his own. Her breath, hot, a pulsating wave, sending a surge of fire coursing through his veins. He opened his eyes and had to blink several times in order to focus his vision. It was like the moment he had walked out of the ark for the first time only months earlier. Stepping into the sun after a lifetime of darkness. The light was blinding. As their eyes met, he never felt so vulnerable... _naked_. She was taking him in.. _.all of him._ The sensation was terrifying, and yet offered him a freedom he had never quite experienced before. Abby gently touched his cheek and placed a soft kiss in the same spot when she had once called it "hope." He had been prepared to save her, and yet here she was saving him...again.

Suddenly, she pulled away.

“Marcus… I’m not sure I can live with the things I have done.” Abby lowered her head, staring at her hands.

Slowly, he lifted her chin until their eyes met once more. “We will find our humanity again...together."  


End file.
